terrible toilets

Toilet stalls in Japan are magical places. They have eight foot walls, toilets with heated seats, and toilet paper for miles. Life at OUA can sometimes be overwhelming. Toilet stalls have become my secret fortresses - places where I can escape from the confusion.

You can imagine my confusion, then, when I entered a stall to find the above monstrosity.

At first I thought it was a bizarre architectural misfire - clearly a builder was drunk and built a urinal on the floor. As I ran across more and more of these the probability of a Japanese drunk construction worker pandemic became less and less likely. People actually use this thing.

It's called a squat toilet - some sort of arcane hybrid of a toilet and the dirt trench latrines I used to dig as a boy scout.

The logistical pratfalls are obvious. Using a public toilet is dubious enough when you're seated - add the challenge of trying to maintain a squat position in the midst of a bowel movement on a urine-pooled floor and you're just begging for disaster.

So what do you do if you run into one of these terrifying little bastards? Hold it. Can't? Find a sink.
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Activity

Fuck I'm busy.

Not busy with schoolwork. The classes here still manage to be almost terrifyingly easy. I can stumble in with half scrawled sketches and still impress - that is, if the class even meets, which it has a tendency not to.

I'm not busy sightseeing either. Yesterday I went to Kobe - my last sightseeing trip. Really I wish I could see the full size Gundam, but I had to cross that off as impractical.

So what have I been doing? Fun things. Most of them either begin or end with Karaoke and liquor. Cosplay Karaoke, however, was a completely sober decision:


This is unlike me. My weekends are packed, my mondays are headachey, and my wallet is perpetually empty.

I'm finally seeing the real Osaka - the kind you can only see by making the rounds with real Osakans. It's a quirky, gross, fascinating place.

I really wish I had more time here. Read more!

Quip: koban

Japan cleverly tried to disguise the head of a giant robot as a Koban.

Nice try, Japan. Read more!

Quip: tight pants

Today I tried to buy some pants.

Buying pants for me can sometimes be a problem for me in the US. I'm a waist size 33. It's one of the most popular sizes and tends to sell out pretty quickly.

In Japan I have a different problem.

See, guys here are skinny. We're not talking your normal hipster nonsense here - they're stick figures. Tiny stick figures with tiny waists and tinier legs. Because of this they dress mostly in what I'm assuming are doll clothes, since they're obviously too small for humans.

The sizes, of course, are the first problem. Oh, what size are these? 29? Oh, ok. These? Oh, they're an 85. These come in M or L, but we have these in a 4 or 5. Thanks.

They'll have 33 US if I'm lucky - but that only leads up to the next challenge: fit. I always thought that not being able to fit your ass into your jeans was a problem reserved for girls... I was wrong. The only way I can describe these things is Jack Skellingtonesque.

The only thing worse than being a size too large for a clothing store is having a salesperson check in on you trying to force your jeans over your apparently massive American thighs.

Lets just say... I'm never going back to that store. Ever. Read more!

Nara

Today I went to Nara to see the friendly deer and massive Buddha that reside there. Both of these things would make amazing pictures.

Unfortunately I forgot my camera - so until my friends upload some of theirs you're going to have to settle for the above artists' rendering. Suffice to say that playing with friendly deer is the bestest thing ever. Why can't all animals be this charming? Read more!

Tokyo: Shinjuku and Akiba

HI SHINJUKU MY NAME IS SAM

Tokyo felt immediately familiar to me. There was something very New York-ian about the atmosphere - a big city energy if you will. People move a little faster, do business a little quicker, and generally mind their own business more than Osakans.

In Osaka I feel constantly challenged. Everything here is so foreign to me and trying to cope gets exhausting. The hosts' hair in Dotonburi alone is enough to give me headaches...


So Tokyo - with its bilingual signs and thriving (by Japan standards) foreign community was a good vacation.

this mural was near our (sketchy) hotel in Korea Town... not sure what it means.

Before I get started there's someone I'd like to thank...

Dear Swine Flu,

Thank you for infecting just enough Osakans to close my school, but not enough to actually be a problem to anyone. Now, I know what you're going to say: "oh, it's just the sensationalist Japanese news blowing this half baked "pandemic" out of proportion to boost ratings!" And you're right, I guess*.

But you still got your timing just right, and I thank you.

I've seriously wanted to go to this place since I was thirteen.

We only had a few days in Tokyo. The three of us are all nerds, so we went to Akihabara: nerd capital of the world.

Prime minister Taro Aso (a "cool old dude") loves Akiba. He also apparently loves dressing up like a Geisha.

Akiba is home to many wonders. Most of them sell anime or videogames or porn, or any combination of those things. While this concept is nothing new to me it was amazing to see it celebrated on such a large scale.

High Schoolers and High School graduates alike (they call them "businessmen" here) flock to Akiba

I spent most of my time dragging my compadres into arcades. Something about the arcade atmosphere makes me feel like I'm five again... or like I'm a crack addict. I wake up later broke and stinking of cigarettes and shame.

uh...

Other highlights:

the Mandrake Complex
A giant multi-level store with a floor dedicated to old and hard to find manga. Manga from the 70s is amazing; bought some naturally.

Cat Cafe
A cafe where you pay to play with cats for half an hour. Had the most jaded desk person I've ever seen - a study in contrasts? Cats were adorable, probably drugged.

Maid Cafe(s)
A cafe where the waitresses are maids. Not a brothel (important). Went to two. These are crazy, and deserve a full post.

Moments before abandoning in a "dreamland" themed Maid Cafe. It was not a dreamland.

The rest of Akiba was dominated by electronics stores - but really it was hard for me to dig deep into it in such a short time. It's ok, I'll be back.

HOLY FUCK

*Unless my theory is correct and the news is actually making black market deals with medical mask manufacturers. Read more!

aaaaand... back!

Hachikō and I just connect. You wouldn't understand.

Ha! Well that was sure a long-ass hiatus! You see a few weeks ago my mac keyboard decided to stop working. My touchpad, always a slave to trends, followed suit. I had to take the both of them to the mac store where they were torn out and replaced promptly. When it comes to electronics I have no patience for slackers.

Anyways, beard faithful, I missed you guys. And by you guys I mean my assumption that there are actually people reading this.*

I have done so many things! Well, several at least. The most important and most interesting of these was my trip to Tokyo in the midst of a Swine Flu pandemic. The least important being my discovery that hotdog bread on a stick is delicious.

Fun things to come!

*And by people reading this I mean my justification for what is essentially a vanity project.

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