terrible toilets

Toilet stalls in Japan are magical places. They have eight foot walls, toilets with heated seats, and toilet paper for miles. Life at OUA can sometimes be overwhelming. Toilet stalls have become my secret fortresses - places where I can escape from the confusion.

You can imagine my confusion, then, when I entered a stall to find the above monstrosity.

At first I thought it was a bizarre architectural misfire - clearly a builder was drunk and built a urinal on the floor. As I ran across more and more of these the probability of a Japanese drunk construction worker pandemic became less and less likely. People actually use this thing.

It's called a squat toilet - some sort of arcane hybrid of a toilet and the dirt trench latrines I used to dig as a boy scout.

The logistical pratfalls are obvious. Using a public toilet is dubious enough when you're seated - add the challenge of trying to maintain a squat position in the midst of a bowel movement on a urine-pooled floor and you're just begging for disaster.

So what do you do if you run into one of these terrifying little bastards? Hold it. Can't? Find a sink.
Read more!

Quip: koban

Japan cleverly tried to disguise the head of a giant robot as a Koban.

Nice try, Japan. Read more!

Quip: tight pants

Today I tried to buy some pants.

Buying pants for me can sometimes be a problem for me in the US. I'm a waist size 33. It's one of the most popular sizes and tends to sell out pretty quickly.

In Japan I have a different problem.

See, guys here are skinny. We're not talking your normal hipster nonsense here - they're stick figures. Tiny stick figures with tiny waists and tinier legs. Because of this they dress mostly in what I'm assuming are doll clothes, since they're obviously too small for humans.

The sizes, of course, are the first problem. Oh, what size are these? 29? Oh, ok. These? Oh, they're an 85. These come in M or L, but we have these in a 4 or 5. Thanks.

They'll have 33 US if I'm lucky - but that only leads up to the next challenge: fit. I always thought that not being able to fit your ass into your jeans was a problem reserved for girls... I was wrong. The only way I can describe these things is Jack Skellingtonesque.

The only thing worse than being a size too large for a clothing store is having a salesperson check in on you trying to force your jeans over your apparently massive American thighs.

Lets just say... I'm never going back to that store. Ever. Read more!

Nara

Today I went to Nara to see the friendly deer and massive Buddha that reside there. Both of these things would make amazing pictures.

Unfortunately I forgot my camera - so until my friends upload some of theirs you're going to have to settle for the above artists' rendering. Suffice to say that playing with friendly deer is the bestest thing ever. Why can't all animals be this charming? Read more!

Tokyo: Shinjuku and Akiba

HI SHINJUKU MY NAME IS SAM

Tokyo felt immediately familiar to me. There was something very New York-ian about the atmosphere - a big city energy if you will. People move a little faster, do business a little quicker, and generally mind their own business more than Osakans.

In Osaka I feel constantly challenged. Everything here is so foreign to me and trying to cope gets exhausting. The hosts' hair in Dotonburi alone is enough to give me headaches...


So Tokyo - with its bilingual signs and thriving (by Japan standards) foreign community was a good vacation.

this mural was near our (sketchy) hotel in Korea Town... not sure what it means.

Before I get started there's someone I'd like to thank...

Dear Swine Flu,

Thank you for infecting just enough Osakans to close my school, but not enough to actually be a problem to anyone. Now, I know what you're going to say: "oh, it's just the sensationalist Japanese news blowing this half baked "pandemic" out of proportion to boost ratings!" And you're right, I guess*.

But you still got your timing just right, and I thank you.

I've seriously wanted to go to this place since I was thirteen.

We only had a few days in Tokyo. The three of us are all nerds, so we went to Akihabara: nerd capital of the world.

Prime minister Taro Aso (a "cool old dude") loves Akiba. He also apparently loves dressing up like a Geisha.

Akiba is home to many wonders. Most of them sell anime or videogames or porn, or any combination of those things. While this concept is nothing new to me it was amazing to see it celebrated on such a large scale.

High Schoolers and High School graduates alike (they call them "businessmen" here) flock to Akiba

I spent most of my time dragging my compadres into arcades. Something about the arcade atmosphere makes me feel like I'm five again... or like I'm a crack addict. I wake up later broke and stinking of cigarettes and shame.

uh...

Other highlights:

the Mandrake Complex
A giant multi-level store with a floor dedicated to old and hard to find manga. Manga from the 70s is amazing; bought some naturally.

Cat Cafe
A cafe where you pay to play with cats for half an hour. Had the most jaded desk person I've ever seen - a study in contrasts? Cats were adorable, probably drugged.

Maid Cafe(s)
A cafe where the waitresses are maids. Not a brothel (important). Went to two. These are crazy, and deserve a full post.

Moments before abandoning in a "dreamland" themed Maid Cafe. It was not a dreamland.

The rest of Akiba was dominated by electronics stores - but really it was hard for me to dig deep into it in such a short time. It's ok, I'll be back.

HOLY FUCK

*Unless my theory is correct and the news is actually making black market deals with medical mask manufacturers. Read more!

aaaaand... back!

Hachikō and I just connect. You wouldn't understand.

Ha! Well that was sure a long-ass hiatus! You see a few weeks ago my mac keyboard decided to stop working. My touchpad, always a slave to trends, followed suit. I had to take the both of them to the mac store where they were torn out and replaced promptly. When it comes to electronics I have no patience for slackers.

Anyways, beard faithful, I missed you guys. And by you guys I mean my assumption that there are actually people reading this.*

I have done so many things! Well, several at least. The most important and most interesting of these was my trip to Tokyo in the midst of a Swine Flu pandemic. The least important being my discovery that hotdog bread on a stick is delicious.

Fun things to come!

*And by people reading this I mean my justification for what is essentially a vanity project.

Read more!

Thomas the Tank Engine... Bus

This is actually a kids' school bus - possibly the greatest one ever. Apparently there's a Pikachu-bus somewhere around here.

I might steal it. Read more!

Salaryman ninja

Simply amazing. Read more!

Giblets

Oh man, I totally fell off the blog horse for a few days there.

I've been spending a lot of time with my new korean friends slash freaking out about actually having homework so I let it slide.

But no more!

Rather than force something profound out of exhaustion I'll use days like these to provide you with what you want - silly little anecdotes about life in Japan. Example:

I heard once that the human brain reads english words principally by judging the word length along with the first and last letters.

You shluod, for epxmale, be albe to raed tihs.

It's fairly interesting - and it explains why I keep thinking this tower says "rapist":

Read more!

Stormy Weather

The weather here is slowly turning from pleasant to uncomfortable.

I've heard that it's bound to happen. First it's warm, then muggy, then rainy. That last part lasts for about a month. Today I got a preview:

It didn't pour so much as drizzle incessantly. It was that gross in-between where you can't decide whether to open your umbrella or not and you always wind up wet regardless. I did not remember my golashes so I spent most of the day sloshing around in waterlogged boat shoes.

I also got my first real animation assignment today: a para-para manga flipbook. Basically I just have to do a head turnaround in a flipbook. I'm trying something a bit more ambitious, though, so it's probably going to take me a good while.

Add that to the other assignments I've incurred in the past few weeks and my workload looks a little waterlogged too.

So it looks like I'm going to have to switch into acting a bit less like an explorer and more like a student. I'm not sure how I feel about this, but I suppose it was innevitable.

Oh well. Read more!

Golden Week

It's Golden Week!

"Golden Week" is the name given to the vacation time granted by the three holidays that started yesterday. The name is kind of a misnomer since we only get three days off in a row. I mean seriously I had class Saturday - this barely qualifies as vacation.

If this was America we would probably have moved the Emperor's Birthday up a week and taken Friday off for good measure. Japan, however, takes both its culture and it's work ethic seriously and so this is what we get.

So, what am I doing for this greatest of holidays?

Well... uh...

Hm.

Alright, I have no idea. Frankly I've been doing so much since I got here that I feel like taking a vacation from having adventures. The things I really miss doing are normal things - hanging around eating snacks and watching TV, for example.

I feel like the language barrier has made it impossible for me to make real friends here. Most of the people I talk to are too taken aback by the gimmick of meeting a foreigner to really speak honestly with me.

That said, isn't 90% of communication nonverbal? Maybe I'm giving language too much blame, here.

Tomorrow I'm going to a party with Korean international students. Their Japanese is much better than mine, and perhaps they understand where I'm coming from as fellow foreigners.

We shall see! Read more!

Church: again?

Today I went to a church that conducted service in two languages: Japanese and, of course, Korean. Wait, what?

I've been doing a pretty good job of jamming myself into the last place anyone would ever expect to be a white person. A Korean international church in Japan is one of those places.

I honestly didn't think it would be so bad when I tagged along with Joyce and Ariyana. I imagined a packed room with high ceilings and loud music. Maybe I'd get a few sideways glances - but before long I'd be out of there. No big deal.

The reality was... not that.


small room, folding chairs, quiet music, staring.

When the four people leading the music started they began to stare. I began to turn red. They continued to stare. I began to sweat a bit and laugh nervously. They stared somehow more intentely.

I looked up - nobody in front of me, nobody behind. I was surrounded by empty seats. I couldn't possibly look any taller, or whiter, or less comfortable. I waited until the end of the service.

Wait, why is everyone staring at me? Well, more obviously. Why is that man pointing?

A moment passes.

"Please" a man says behind me "up"

I stand, confused.

Another moment passes.

"Um... please... come... here" the pastor asks. Some hideous terror/embarrassment expression flashes across my face. The entire congregation bursts out laughing.

There are four of us standing now - the newbies. Joyce and Ariyana are here next to me - because they are good friends.

Pastor says something in Korean. He hands the mic to the girl next to me. She says something in korean. He hands the mic to me. He has fear in his eyes.

"H... hi. Thank you for inv..(stutter) inviting me into your church."

silence

"My name is Sam Thurman..."

silence

"Uh.. I'm from New York. Thank you"

Yes! That got them. Fact: all Japanese people (immigrants included) love New York.

Joyce and Ariyana introduced themselves - Joyce in Korean because, well, she speaks it. Then they all sang a song at us. It sounded welcoming enough.

I had a chance to talk with some people after the service. Everyone was actually very kind. Perhaps confused as to why I was there, but kind nonetheless.* I don't know why I'd expect anything less from church people.

And you know what? The service was quite nice too. Calming and ritualistic in a meditative way, not a brain-washing way. If I spoke Korean I might actually consider going back.

But I don't speak Korean.

*It's ok people, I don't know why I was there either.
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Church: explication

The pastor shouted something through the mic. Actually, maybe he wasn't a pastor. That's what we called the man in charge* back when I went to church - but this guy bore little resemblance to father John. Father John wore robes for instance, whereas this guy rocked a Hawaiian shirt. He was, actually, Hawaiian. Did this make it ok? No, I think not.

I'm just going to call him Prayer Guy - that sounds about right.

Prayer guy shouted something through the mic. What was it? It was hard to hear. Jump in the air, right? Jump and share? Not jumping prayer.

No, he said jumping prayer. Crap.


I can only laugh at a ridiculous situation for so long before the reality of my participation in it sinks in. Jumping prayer was my limit.

Lyrics projected onto the wall "God's word is always right, his word is my light, with him I'll never fail!" The band cranked out some shallowed out punk music. The irony of a christian punk song was, if only for a minute, precious.

I used to go to church every week. I liked it. I didn't believe - but that didn't really matter. It was the atmosphere. Church was about calm. Sitting, reading, comforting each-other. Stand up, sit down, eat a cracker, have some coffee cake, go home. Relax. It was something to aspire to.

But jumping prayer? No.

I don't want to go to church and yell at things. I don't want to go to church and plug my ears to the pounding pulse of terrible music. I could go to any crappy club in the city and do that. At least there I wouldn't be hounded to give donations.

Thank you, J House, for the free meal. Thanks for being so nice. Thanks for offering English translations of your theological diarrhea.

And thanks in advance for not holding it against me when I never, ever, come back.

*no, not god - the other one
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Church

Today I went to an international church college night at the suggestion of Hisano-san. Probably... was not the best idea. Well, at least there was free food. Details tomorrow. Read more!

Trash Rules

Japan takes recycling seriously.

Trash must be divided into seven categories: combustible, noncombustible, hazardous, bottles & glass, cans, paper & fabric, and PET plastic bottles. Trash must then be placed in a municipally approved plastic bag and labeled with a sticker (available at your city hall or town office).

Each type of garbage is picked up once or twice per month.*

Large garbage - furniture, electronics, etc. - must be scheduled to be picked up by a trash service at your expense.

Failure to correspond with trash laws will result in the termination of trash services for your domicile. You must then make arrangements with a trash service at your expense.

Paraphrased.

*At my building bottles, for example, are picked up on the third Wednesday of every month. Ugh. Read more!

Mayo

When I think of mayo in America I generally think of a fat slob slathering mayo out of a pop top kraft jug. When Japanese people think of mayo I imagine they must think of the above - the Kewpie baby welcoming them with open arms.

Perhaps this explains why they're so freakin' crazy about mayo.

Want okonomiyaki? You're going to get it criss crossed with mayo. Takoyaki? More mayo. Yakisoba? Probably has mayo in it.

Grocery stores carry Kewpie bottles in a variety of sizes to satisfy your lust for the 'naise. Today I counted five. The largest of the bunch was the size of my forearm. The smallest was about as big as a travel toothpaste - just in case you need some on the go.

Now to be honest the mayo here does taste a lot better than what I've been given in the states. I can't put my finger on it, but it has less of that... uh... mayo taste.

Today I bought my first bottle - an entry level about the size of a small bottle of ketchup. Will I walk away obsessed? Only time will tell. Read more!

Very, very small pond.

A week or so ago an enterprising group of students photographed me from the eyes up for a tumbler design contest poster. At the time I didn't think much of it. I just assumed that they wanted diversity - the bunch of us from MICA being the only non-asians around made us the go-to guys.

You can imagine my surprise, then, when I walked into the OUA main lobby to be greeted by a four foot high poster of my forehead.

I'm like a local celebrity here. Well, that or the town freak. For the sake of fairness let's say I'm somewhere in between. My skin color and my height are enough to make me the focal point of any crowd. Throw a me-centric ad campaign in there and, well, let's just say I don't blend in.

Sometimes it's a ridiculous ego boost. Oh, hello Japanese Art School! Check out my skin color! Listen to me speak my native language! Isn't it amazing? Just like TV!

There are, however, some days when you don't want everyone to stare at you. Days when you don't have time to shower, or wash your clothes, or put on deodorant. It's enough to make me seriously self-conscious.

So what do I do? Well, either I try and stay immaculate or go for broke and stop caring, I guess. Let's just say I'm moving from the former to the latter. Read more!

Aikido, Judo, Kendo, etc. (+do)

Today I went to check out OUA's aikido club. It turned out, however, that all of the school's martial arts clubs were having a joint practice - lucky! Frankly it was more exercise than I've had in years.

The light exercise I handled fine - biking was enough practice for that. I even made it through the judo throws admirably. When the Karate leader said we were going to strength train with sumo, however, things got dicey.

I'm tall, yes, but I am not that strong. Perhaps the leader didn't see the limp noodles (arms?) hanging out of my shirt sleeves when he called the biggest freakin' Japanese man in the dojo to kick my ass.

I actually made it through the sumo with a tie - thank you bizarre leg stregnth. The chariot-style tug of war, however, didn't go quite as favorably.

Basically the man-bear training partner I had looped a belt around my waist. My job was to run as hard as possible. His job was to pull me as far back as possible. After two minutes we switch.

Now, maybe I should have had something more to drink today than an extra large boss coffee. And maybe slim-fit linnen jeans weren't the best training pants. Regardless he wiped the floor with me, metaphorically and in reality.

By the time practice ended I was basically sweating salt. I tried to remain as polite as possible talking to the aikido teacher, a halo of red closing in on my vision. Eventually I broke: "please... very tired... water!"

I sat on the floor next to the water fountain to collect myself. As my vision returned I tried to explain my philosophy on aikido and life to the aikido leader. Even when he couldn't understand my words, I think he understood my tone.

I'm still running on endorphins. OUA really goes out of its way to provide students with ways to exercise. Its a welcome change - one I'll embrace wholeheartedly. Read more!

Clubs

Today I visited CAS - the OUA Comic and Animation Society. Basically it's nerd club. Also it is awesome.

Clubs at OUA are something far removed from what I'm used to back in the states, where I run an Asian Film Club. At MICA, for example, I had to fill out a small packet full of paperwork just to get a classroom one night per week. In Japan every club gets its own room, no questions asked.

They can use this room for whatever they want, and it's theirs 24/7. Walk by the club rooms any day of the week and you'll see students hanging around - working, playing majong, or just chilling out.

The CAS room had bookshelves stuffed with nerd-reading material as well as a large TV hooked up to a mini PC. It was on this PC that they showed us some of their yearly animation reels, as well as several shorts they filmed just for kicks.

Also they publish a comics compilation book every year, which they sell. And they really get it printed from a printer - no xerox here.

I've never seen students (especially art students) come together like this. What would it take to raise this kind of team spirit at MICA? Is it possible?

This Sunday the club is hosting a party. We're supposed to be able to find it by the girl with green hair standing at the entrance. What have I gotten myself into... Read more!

International Party

A MICA class party is a sad affair. Scrawny art students gather around dimly-lit tables, drawn there by free pizza of questionable quality. They force down mouthfulls of mostly cooked dough (covered in something somehow worse than grocery store Ragu) stopping only to breathe or perhaps to complain about the lack of a vegan option.

Today the printmaking department threw a party for the international students - and, yet again, my brain exploded a bit.

They brought in not only snacks but food. Real food. Fresh takoyaki (the pan-fried octopus donuts that I've come to love) made on portable tabletop grills tided us over until rice was ready for sushi. Beer was passed out along with less alchoholic fare, and merriment ensued.

Then we played games. The silly kind of games that require little language and thought. Even the elder teachers participated - I guess they value lighthearted fun more than their MICA counterparts.

Bonus: We left the classroom to the sound of... battle!? And pumping techno music? It was the OUA Gedai Ga(!) club - a club of super nerds that puts on absurdly well coreographed fights in the style of old school Japanese kids' shows.

When they're in costume it's impossible for them to talk into a mic - so they have voice actors providing the voices for them. When we saw them they were not in costume... but still had voice actors doing the talking. This was particularly bizarre in regard to the female ranger, who was being played by a boy.

Say what you will, that kid could high kick like nobody's business. Easily one of the most surreal/bizarre/hilarious/amazing things I've ever seen.

It was too dark to get a decent photo... but they're performing this sunday. Oh yes, I'm there.
Read more!