Aikido, Judo, Kendo, etc. (+do)

Today I went to check out OUA's aikido club. It turned out, however, that all of the school's martial arts clubs were having a joint practice - lucky! Frankly it was more exercise than I've had in years.

The light exercise I handled fine - biking was enough practice for that. I even made it through the judo throws admirably. When the Karate leader said we were going to strength train with sumo, however, things got dicey.

I'm tall, yes, but I am not that strong. Perhaps the leader didn't see the limp noodles (arms?) hanging out of my shirt sleeves when he called the biggest freakin' Japanese man in the dojo to kick my ass.

I actually made it through the sumo with a tie - thank you bizarre leg stregnth. The chariot-style tug of war, however, didn't go quite as favorably.

Basically the man-bear training partner I had looped a belt around my waist. My job was to run as hard as possible. His job was to pull me as far back as possible. After two minutes we switch.

Now, maybe I should have had something more to drink today than an extra large boss coffee. And maybe slim-fit linnen jeans weren't the best training pants. Regardless he wiped the floor with me, metaphorically and in reality.

By the time practice ended I was basically sweating salt. I tried to remain as polite as possible talking to the aikido teacher, a halo of red closing in on my vision. Eventually I broke: "please... very tired... water!"

I sat on the floor next to the water fountain to collect myself. As my vision returned I tried to explain my philosophy on aikido and life to the aikido leader. Even when he couldn't understand my words, I think he understood my tone.

I'm still running on endorphins. OUA really goes out of its way to provide students with ways to exercise. Its a welcome change - one I'll embrace wholeheartedly. Read more!

Stretching

I went to see a chiropractor a few weeks ago to help me with some lower back pain. He helped me by dumping bags of hot sand on my back, strapping my legs to the table, and winching my spine like a water pump.

I left with three sheets of stretches to practice every day. In order to make them easier for me to remember I redrew them and assigned them all new names.

Daily Stretches*
or at least the names I gave them

1. Leaning Tower
2. Snake Choke
3. Ground Kick
4. Ankle Biter
5. Leg Cracker
6. Floor Captain
7. Meltdown
8. Earth Lover
9. Back Rape
10. XXX

*please consult a professional before attempting any of the following stretches.

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I prefer biking to walking

According to Cesar Milan a dog needs exercise, discipline, and praise in that order. I've been watching his show three hours a day, every day, for the past few weeks. I have come to the conclusion that Mr. Milan knows animals better than any other person on this fucking planet.

Yesterday I was working my way through a hunk of smoked Gouda and watching Dog Whisperer - an amazing combination, by the way - when I had an epiphany: Cesar knows animals, Cesar says animals need exercise to be happy, humans are animals, I am a human -> ergo I need exercise to be happy*. I've been giving my body nothing but praise, and have fallen out of a calm, healthy state.

So I got on my silk long johns**, thermal undershirt, neglected workout shorts and sneakers, and started biking.

Oh fatigue, what a strange beast you are! You vile expanding cloud of hot needles and sparks. First you inflate my lungs to bursting, then pulse through my extremities and settle in my eyeballs, throbbing against my skull to the beat of my racing heart. You torturous bastard!

Nevertheless the sense of victory I feel after overcoming you is almost as overwhelming as your effects. I know every time I face you I will be a bit stronger, and every time I overcome you I will return to the couch a bit more content. Next time I sit down to watch Dog Whisperer I will have earned that Gouda, god dammit.

*via the transitive property
**they're amazing - try them.
***I'm not apologizing for that picture - you knew what you were getting yourself into when you came here.
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